Monday, 28 December 2009

“You should write a book!”

This is what quite a few people have said to me. Not a work of fiction I don’t think, but just about a few things that have happened in my life. I’m no discoverer or great adventurer (although sometimes I do act and feel like it) but I have had some pretty cool experiences Alhamdulillah. And some pretty uncool ones, for which I must also be grateful for. So if I were to write a book, chapters may be divided by people, places and events I guess. Here are some possible chapter titles, based on what people have told me to write about:

• The ISOC years (hahaha!)

• Spain (although this has been written about, even though not too extensively. Will have to dig it out)

• Travels (Malaysia, Turkey, Bahrain/Dubai, Kenya, Bosnia, Ghana, Poland, etc etc)

• Work (really wish I had written some of this stuff down)

• The ex and the closure (an epic within itself?! Haha. And the massive chapter following  )

• The solicitor

• The barrister

• The Russian

• The lil French man

• The best friends’ weddings

• The proposals

• The engineer

• The Swiss Sri Lankan

• Crocodile Shoes

• The guy from Medina

• The guy from Qatar

• The Imam

• The 8th of the 8th

• The Nando’s proposal

• And so on.

Im Too Young to Get Married

You wait ages for a bus, and then they really do all come along at once. And I haven’t used public transport in ages. Well not buses anyway. As soon as you set your sights on something, or decide on a certain route, about a million other options pop up, when just a while ago, there were no options at all.

So, 6th or 7th proposal in about two months. That’s pretty good going. Am really surprised and flattered. And despite all my reservations and hang ups about the traditional route, it’s actually really nice. Really nice.

It’s like being pre approved. When Joey in Friends starts on Days of Our Lives, he get pre approved for credit and is so happy. “I’ve never been pre approved for anything before!” (Yes, many of my life references do arise from American sitcoms and mainstream pop music, sigh). Anyway, imagine being offered a place on a good uni course at a good uni, without even having to apply for it. Or being offered a job without an interview, or even having a position created especially for you when there was no vacancy as such. Then it’s up to you whether you take it or not. How nice is that? Yes, you may have to make a very quick decision, but that’s the flip side of it. Whereas if you go through the whole ‘application process’ of your own accord, you can afford to take a bit longer. In fact, it will take much longer, cos they didn’t even know you existed, let alone that you are applying. They may not even want you to apply, let alone fill the vacancy. But then, you’ve got to go through it, you’ve got to do what is best for you. Even if you don’t even know what that is.

Sunday, 27 December 2009

In an Ideal World?

"Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?

And he answered saying:

You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it be a moving sea between the shores of your souls
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

From Khalil Gibran's The Prophet

Friday, 25 December 2009

Your overwhelming love for me..

Thursday, 24 December 2009

Privacy Settings

I feel the need to write. I don’t know why. I’m feeling lots of things at the moment. And they aren’t bad things Alhamdulillah. Which is nice. Lots of things to express and explain to myself. And keep private so that nobody knows. Some time ago, I made it my personal target to write more. Not for any other reason than to get in some practice of just writing, to get feelings out of me, to express myself and communicate, and to let words do their thing. If ever they do actually do what they are meant to. I am well aware of my issues with language and words and the general paradox of life.

I feel so much right now. Positivity and a touch of trepidation. Or not trepidation…I don’t know. That word just came into my head. I never thought that this would happen; never in a million years. I haven’t made a decision; it seems the universe has decided. It has unfolded in this way, and I didn’t have anything to do with it. Too much to be coincidence, and the chaos theory and all that. The universe unfolds. The way things happen. Not a leaf falls from a tree but with His knowledge, and He is closer to me than my jugular vein.

I can’t resist. I can try, and I have tried, and I am quite strong sometimes, but I can’t fight this. It’s like its taking over me. Creeping and seeping into me. I am trying to hold up, but the barriers are tumbling down. The borders are becoming blurred and definitions undefined. And standing fast has taken on a new meaning. Being patient. Being blessed. Being tested in different ways. Some familiar, some new territories that lay in wait. And how will I react. How will I sit, and stand, and fight, and be me. And be the best that I can be. And hold on to the essence of who I am and what brought me here. For if that is lost, then it’s a different game, and all has changed and is in risk of being misled.

And who is to say, where this path will lead. For those who stray find new paths. And yet I am being limited with my words and my thoughts and my ideas, my feelings and emotions and dreams. I can’t give too much away, not now, not yet. Although I can be read as easily as a book, look into my eyes is like looking though a glass window into a different world, and what lies beneath. When you have no control, but you know you have no control, surely that gives you some ownership. If you believe in theories.

Monday, 21 December 2009

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

I thought I’d be ok

I thought I’d be strong,

I thought I’d hold on, long enough.

Resist the pull, of gravity, of force, if its natural, then what am I to do.

And I feel myself falling, slowly swiftly, drifting towards some undefined destination.

The strength of the wind, the weakness of the cloud, sends me falling,

From side to side.

A pretty snowflake, fragile and unique,

To melt in a puddle or settle on the solid earth.

Falling quickly, softly, gently, here and there

Towards you.

Friday, 11 December 2009

Princess Marshmallow

is like a box of chocolates

Sunday, 6 December 2009

A Sweet Dream, or a Beautiful Nighmare?

Testing me and blessing me.
Which way do I turn, where am I supposed to go?
To You.

The One.

This was meant to be posted a few weeks ago

Not necessarily good or bad, just some things I’ve noticed…

Some people I seem to attract:

Are quite loud / talkative (this is not a bad thing, I am very quiet or can be depending on my mood

Are from large traditional families

Speak in a funny way

Have a lot of female friends

Buy me really nice books as surprise presents (this is definitely not a bad thing)

Are, from within their own nations of origin, somewhat looked down upon for whatever reason

Have baggage (but then who doesn’t, I have baggage too)

Are the middle child (middle child syndrome?)

Can be too damn cute sometimes.