Privacy Settings

I feel the need to write. I don’t know why. I’m feeling lots of things at the moment. And they aren’t bad things Alhamdulillah. Which is nice. Lots of things to express and explain to myself. And keep private so that nobody knows. Some time ago, I made it my personal target to write more. Not for any other reason than to get in some practice of just writing, to get feelings out of me, to express myself and communicate, and to let words do their thing. If ever they do actually do what they are meant to. I am well aware of my issues with language and words and the general paradox of life.


I feel so much right now. Positivity and a touch of trepidation. Or not trepidation…I don’t know. That word just came into my head. I never thought that this would happen; never in a million years. I haven’t made a decision; it seems the universe has decided. It has unfolded in this way, and I didn’t have anything to do with it. Too much to be coincidence, and the chaos theory and all that. The universe unfolds. The way things happen. Not a leaf falls from a tree but with His knowledge, and He is closer to me than my jugular vein.

I can’t resist. I can try, and I have tried, and I am quite strong sometimes, but I can’t fight this. It’s like its taking over me. Creeping and seeping into me. I am trying to hold up, but the barriers are tumbling down. The borders are becoming blurred and definitions undefined. And standing fast has taken on a new meaning. Being patient. Being blessed. Being tested in different ways. Some familiar, some new territories that lay in wait. And how will I react. How will I sit, and stand, and fight, and be me. And be the best that I can be. And hold on to the essence of who I am and what brought me here. For if that is lost, then it’s a different game, and all has changed and is in risk of being misled.

And who is to say, where this path will lead. For those who stray find new paths. And yet I am being limited with my words and my thoughts and my ideas, my feelings and emotions and dreams. I can’t give too much away, not now, not yet. Although I can be read as easily as a book, look into my eyes is like looking though a glass window into a different world, and what lies beneath. When you have no control, but you know you have no control, surely that gives you some ownership. If you believe in theories.