Sunday, 28 February 2010

Liza Garza, Warsan Shire, Talented Women, Word.

This woman is amazing, so talented and beautiful, I love her. I’ve pasted some of her stuff below without changing anything at all. She’s articulated some of my thoughts and feelings for me.
Her blog can be found at

Posted in 1 on February 27, 2010 by lizagarza

im tryin to get
to know me in front of you
please close your eyes tight

Posted in 1 on February 27, 2010 by lizagarza
i give thanks for my parents. who have stood by my side when i made standing near me impossible…they have shown me love in ways i seek to return and to pass on to my children…

i give thanks for the lil things that bring me so much joy it makes my belly hurt… literally…watchin my daughter learn where he nose is…hearin my sons make new music…or even from a distance seein them confide in eachother…learning how to perfect their lives…and there selves…

i give thanks for my companions…who are truthful and sincere…and beautiful reflections of light…

i give thanks for the remembrance of GOD…for the ease that this brings me and the desire to remember…

ask yourself what is your purpose…what is your mission and are you fulfilling it…are you staying true to your path and surrounded by those who will call you to it…

i once heard a quote that i wish i would remember more ”doubt your doubts believe you beliefs”…hold to this with me…

and begin new….in loving and taking every moment and giving it its right…

live now.

love now…

day2. (5daycommitment)
Posted in 1 on February 21, 2010 by lizagarza
secrets held so solemn even we forget there meaning
lest we forget our lives

lest we forget our soul

lest we forget our passsions

lest we forget our treasures…hidden in heaven…where dust can not reside…where our fears could never hide…and our lusts become lost never to be found again…i swear ive seen my soul ascend. pastures of pleasure…

if i could only remember while i am forgetting the sins that were inscribed upon me…the burden removed from me…i would be a better woman…i could be a better servant but how soon i sully myself…choosing scabs and scars…blood and bruises….as my beauty marks…ive lost the part of me…that keeps me balanced…i hold me silent when i should be screaming…i hold me hostile when i should be loving…i hold me softly when i should be fighting…as if this were my last breath…as if this was my last test…my first truth…seems like it is now a distant friend…who seldom thinks of me…never dreams of me…and has lost any sweet desire to hold my presence…hold me present…in thought…or…person…

im passing…barely…and proving…less worthy…less holy…less wholesome…like the stories that fall from my mothers lips…how her beauty makes them so lovely…

so sacred…so solemn we hold our secret…even we forget their meaning…

day1. (5daycommitment)
Posted in 1 on February 20, 2010 by lizagarza

certain days i tend to agree with all that is good and pure and rich and worthy

and i welcome light as it were a lil child or a royal king a crown to place upon my forehead lightly touched with riches unmeasurable unleashed and unexpected undenied and awaitin glory and grace. i have found my self in my self in His self so precious and precise practicing patience holding to my virtue trustin in my honor and yet i am still and sinner my soul singin of songs too ugly to be unvieled for by the grace of my lord i am still loved and worthy to be hidden from the frowns of my enemies and of my loved ones…i have loved one man more then my mind can contain…more then i knew… i could not claim none of myself from that day forward….from that day backward i wonder where she went…and who she took with her…if i could time travel and tune in to visit a woman i know i must have loved…but too soon forgotten…too soon…it rottens like fruit in a dark damp place…lost life in a dark damp place…where the dry seeds also sprout…where we lose all doubt because we are left with no other option…. irresistible certainty…circling like spirit anointed doves…divine and designed for you to relax and reflect on love…in love…in awe…in God…

I also love Warsan Shire. It’s scary how talented someone so young can be. But I guess we are blessed in different ways. Is it bad to be jealous of someone’s talent?! Hehe. I think it is. Beautiful. This girl has a way with words like no one I’ve seen before.

Her blog can be found at

I love writing and wish I could do it more often. I don’t know if I’ve got a talent (I got out of practice after primary school – says a lot for our wonderful educational system doesn’t it – haha)I’d like a creative project or something, something with a bit of direction to which I can channel my words. Although I also love the freedom of just being able to write and type my words and sentences and thoughts and feelings. I’m going to think of some things. I’ve got some really creative and talented friends, I’m going to ask them about project ideas.

was just thinking about you, saw a beautiful pic of a hijabi on Sartorialist and it made me want to take pictures of you. Your smile is more beautiful than hers

scroll down a bit.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

I am Able, Gifted and Talented

I feel rather empowered. Confident and sure of myself, my capabilities, my potential. I am proud of myself. I feel like I am a professional in my own right. This feeling is fleeting, and too few and far in between life as we know it, so I am going to bask, and glow, and make the most of it. Life will be back to same old same old by tomorrow, but till then, I’m enjoying this. And I am going to be grateful for it.
There was a position going for the post of AGT coordinator. That basically means sorting out the provision for students who are exceptionally talented in any area of school, any subject. The role itself involves a lot; it’s a whole school responsibility. I could go on about the role but I’m just going to paste the job description here:

• Audit current levels of provision for G&T within the school and develop strategies for improvement;
• Maintain a register of able, gifted and talented pupils within the school and update biannually;
• Identify and disseminate good practice in developing the abilities of able, gifted and talented pupils;
• Keep abreast of new resources and initiative developments for G&T students and disseminate this information to Heads of Faculty/Heads of Department;
• Act at the “champion” of able, gifted and talented pupils within the school by creating and sustaining positive attitudes towards them and ensuring that provision for able, gifted and talented pupils is kept at the heart of the school’s agenda for developing learning and teaching;
• Work alongside the SLT line manager for G&T to ensure appropriate Borough and DCSF documentation is produced on time

As you can see, dear anonymous cyber reader if you are indeed there, it’s rather quite extensive. Almost like a head of faculty role I’ve been told. And this is the second version – nobody applied for the first as it was too much work. I even told a member of SLT that I thought so, and it was then that they reduced it. Nay, not reduced, more of a condensation, or summarization if you like. English is my subject and I’m a smarty-pants, so I know these things. Ha.

So I went for it, and the interview was ok…some of my answers got a hmm and some got a big grin. When I asked them my questions, turned out hardly any timetable allocation was being made, no training, no negotiating on the (pitiful, sorry lowest) TLR and a start on Monday. Monday! The interview was on Thursday! They asked me if I were offered the role would I accept, and I replied saying I needed some time to consider it. I was then told then I had to decide there and then, as the decision was to be made that evening. I then graciously and politely as I could said that I think it’s an amazing role and opportunity, but without the adequate time table allocation I wouldn't be able to perform the job to the best of my ability, and feeling about it as I do (I do genuinely think it’s a really important and much required role) I thank you for your time but am withdrawing my application. There was some silence and then conversation started up again, and I was told I’d still get feedback on my interview performance, which will probably happen next week.

Basically, it’s a massive role. Anyone who works in a school, or education, will know this. They are not valuing it, or the person doing it, as they should. It’s the same TLR I am on now, but it’s a whole school responsibility. My responsibility is only faculty based at the moment. It’s not just about the money though. How cans someone do such a huge role with no training whatsoever, and start in two days?! And time allocation – it wouldn’t have been instead of what I do now, it’s would have been on top of everything. So I withdrew and it felt great! If you can’t recognize my worth, or those of the students, then I will, they at least deserve better than that. And this is in no way a downer on the person who got the job – all the best to you, and I mean that sincerely.

During the interview I was asked about my ideas for raising the profile of AGT students, and as I reeled them off, you could see one of the interviewer’s eyebrows rising higher and higher, and smile getting wider and wider. Now I know I won’t be getting any credit for these ideas, but that’s ok. I do feel sorry for the poor sod who will actually have to realize them; great as they were, they were also a lot of hard work!

I have been thinking about my career recently – where I want it to go, how long for, if I should move schools, if I should change altogether, if I should pack up and travel around the world…inshallah. Starting back at the bottom of another career wouldn’t be that bad cos I’m still young, but it’s the decision making and stability and the rest of it. Here’s a little quote from a speech in the film Coach Carter, cheesy but you gotta love it. Must always be positive.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I'd also quite like someone to revamp this blog for me and make it look cool and pretty and orange-tree reflective...any takers?!

The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried

“Yearning for Allah and His meeting is like the gentle breeze blowing upon the heart, extinguishing the blaze of the Dunya. Whosoever caused his heart to settle with his Lord shall be in a state, calm and tranquility, and whosoever sent it amongst the people shall be disturbed and excessively perturbed.” - Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah

On the authority of Abdullah bin Abbas, who said: One day I was behind the prophet and he said to me: “Young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice]: Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allah; if you seek help, seek help of Allah. Know that if the Nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.”

Narrated by Tirmithi,

In a version other than that of Tirmithi it reads:

“..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.”


This is from an email sent to me about a talk on geometry. I wasn’t able to attend :( but I have been fortunate enough to see the amazing artform in themost majestic of places. It can take you to another level.

Geometric patterning can be seen within the artistic traditions of many cultures throughout history though it is the Islamic artisans who have been particularly prolific in this area of creativity. The fountains of Fez, the Jali panels of South Asia and mosques the world over all sing in one harmonious voice of praise unto the Creator whose own creativity surrounds us to the north, south, east and west as well as above us and below.

Geometry speaks to us at a deeper level which is most consciously experienced as a sense of awe from beholding the transcendent beauty of sacred art but mystics from many different religious traditions have also used geometry as a symbolic language to express profound spiritual meaning. The centre of a circle is a 'hidden' point which is reflected outwardly by the 'revealed' visible circumference that circumscribes it. In this way we are reminded of the 'hidden' Creator and the 'revealed' creation along with the Hadith Qudsi "I was a hidden treasure and I loved to be known, so I created the universe".

Calligraphy and art, pens and paper.

Ink and knowledge, brushes and colour.

Create of what your Lord has bestowed, realize in awe, the beauty within.

Be not scared of light. Be not afraid of your own potential.

(I wanted to add some pics but its not letting me :( not that technologically talented)

Friday, 19 February 2010

Photos and Cupcakes

Your hand, as it searches for mine,
Its gentle roughness, holding me tight.
The warmth of your breath, skimming my skin,
Your eyes, on me, on mine, all night.
Time freezes,
But the beat drops, and we sway,
Uncontrollable, holding it down.
Holding myself, your arms around me.
Dreams, sighs, glances, brush past me and through me,
And your hand is there, searching for mine.

Tuesday, 9 February 2010



Breathe. Breathe. Sleep without sleeping. Be calm. Do your best and the rest is out of your hands. Breathe.

Monday, 8 February 2010

Part 4.

I'm too young to get married.
The snow came down again, hard and fast. Thick and cold. Harsh. I made myself walk face up, looking at the world. Let the snow settle on my face, let the cold sting my skin. Cold as sharp as ice. Sometimes I forgot and looked down, but I made myself look up as I walked. My woolly scarf protected what it could. Eyelashes glitter with snow flakes, my black coat turned white.

I made it to my car.

By the time I was home, the snow had stopped.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Can You Meet Me Halfway (I'm Too Young to Get Married Part 3)

So what’s the deal with relationships? Family, or friendships, or colleagues or neighbors or acquaintances or friends of friends and their halves and etc etc. and then that one big relationship. This two way thing. This thing where it’s not just about you anymore. There’s someone else there; there with their own mood, their own temperament, their own thoughts and feelings and ways and means. What happened to me, myself and I? Where your whims and desires were catered for? Where your mood dictated the day, and vice versa. Now there are two. And whenever there is more than one, there will be politics. Catering to that, and remembering that, and thinking not just of yourself. Responsibilities are now more concentrated, more intent, simply because there is someone else to think about, and it’s not just about you anymore. Sometimes, this is why we are single for so long. Cos it can just get well long. Especially when your heart is in it too. Everything else is easy.

And the mood thing, when you have to tailor your mood to the other mood. You can’t be quiet, just. You can’t be moody, just. Your moods can directly or indirectly affect the other mood. And it can be positive or it can be negative. And one can bounce off the other, and rebound, and hit back again. Sometimes you can’t even be tired. It’s not a Hollywood romcom or a bollywood love story, its real life.

I’m not talkative. Or chatty. Or full of conversation and things to say. I’m just not. I’m not empty either, it’s all inside. Introverted and internalized. Its jut the way I am, the way I have had to be. And now to de-programme myself, to take a 180 degree turn, is not easy; to be open and readable and vocal and it may not happen. And then what? Will you get tired? Will you turn away?

And when we get closer, both emotionally and physically and mentally, where are you? Are you still in your space, or are you in mine? Or have we crossed the line that defined space and time? That line, metaphorical as it may be, changes in shape, in size, its hues and nuances of strength and forbearance. Where am I now? Pulling me closer and pushing me away. Pulling you closer and pushing you away. The walls and the borders are crumbling slowly, bit by bit. But that push strengthens them, build them up again. Perhaps they may be easier to break down again, as it’s just been done, or perhaps it’ll be even harder, as they have just been reinforced.

Meet me halfway, right at the borderline

That's where I’m gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day

Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I’ll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Friday, 5 February 2010

Good Lovin'

"When the energy is right the universe conspires in your favour."

And it’s all about the Galaxy Cookie Crumble. Oh yes. I’m not one for advertising, but... Ooooh yes. You need this in your life. Have it with chai latte (Nero) after Nando’s, which you also need in your life. Thank God :-)

Rock All Day
It makes me feel good.

When the beat drops, and your bones feel the vibe, shaking like the walls are closing in. alone in your room, or down in the middle of a heaving dance floor. Centre stage or underground basement, it makes me feel good.

I wish there was the perfect school/college. It would be so damn cool. Firstly it’d start quite late, like around 10. How sweet. And then finish at around 3 or 4. But of course, there are gaps in between and the timetable is more like a university one than a school one. So classes would consist of dance – hip-hop/street/belly/Latin/bollywood/etc. and you can choose whichever type you want. You could even choose all of them. Then there would be the other type of creative ones – art, design, graphics, etc. within which you u specialize, so I might take courses for Islamic calligraphy, geometry, ceramics, textiles, theatre, photography, etc, etc. and then there are history, language and literature classes, and you can study any area of them that you want, like I might choose Islamic history, Persian, African, and Indian history, Arabic, French, Mandarin, etc etc. And then you could even choose to teach some classes/courses (think I might go for the academic ones, cos I know I can do it!)

And the building would just be amazing, nice and airy and light and comfortable. And there’s a nap room. And a really good canteen which isn’t expensive. And the best library/IT facilities. And a really nice gym too.

The students and staff would be from all over the world, but have an understanding of the greatness of London. And holidays would be long enough to travel for lengthy amounts of time without paying premium peak rate prices. Obviously.

There’d be recreational programmes where you can do crazy ass things like sky diving and also stuff where you choose an area of society to volunteer for / do some community or charity work. And there’d be a media suite, with a radio station and other such hotness. Like Outlandish. <3

That’d be too cool (for school).

Attacks on British Muslims are being brushed under the carpet | Left Foot Forward

Attacks on British Muslims are being brushed under the carpet Left Foot Forward

Some interesting points and quotes in this article.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

A Fall from Grace

Well not grace so much, more of a fall from 5 foot five height of my getting-more-generous frame above pavement level. Let’s make it 5 foot 6 with shoes. Icy and cold, sunny but crisp, thinking of the day ahead on a Monday morning walking into work, avoiding the ice, when woosh…one swift motion and one fell swoop, a sudden movement and…ok that’s weird. How come the ground is now rushing towards my face so quickly? And why is everything all lopsided? And what…oh right, I’ve slipped and am falling and its going quickly and don’t quite know how to stop this and. Pain. As my hands hit the concrete and take the full force of my body weight. As do my knees. And the shame of falling over in the street. And you get up, wincing, and try to pull yourself together, and check you’re ok. Hands, no cuts. Left leg, ok. Right leg, ok but no wait, a massive rip in my trousers, a huge gash in my skin and immense pain. I couldn’t care less about my knees but ripped trousers. On a school day, on a Monday morning. And my new favourite trousers. And boots scuffed. And I had plans that night. And I had hairy legs. The tears nearly came but I fought them back.

Thank God none of the kids saw.

So off I go, to the medical room, and get my knee seen to. And then off I go to the textiles room, and get my trousers seen to. Thank god for that. And then I get myself chocolate.

And now it’s all bloody and painful and gross, and really quite deep. And I can’t put any weight on it so I have to pray sitting on a chair which makes me feel like a little old lady. Moan, whinge and groan.

I seem to fall over and hurt myself more now then I did when I was a kid.

I Am Yusuf and This Is My Brother

Amazing and beautiful. A stunning play with a poetic script. I strongly recommend this to you. You will fall in love, and you will understand. Somewhat.

Symbolic of so much with so little.